Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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