I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
