Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
