some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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