babies were throwing up all over the place
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
