Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
