My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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