The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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