if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize