she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
