It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
