Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
