i wish my penis had a tongue
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize