Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
