Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
