we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
