Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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