i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
