1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
zippers are such a cool invention
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
