I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
