how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
