I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
