I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
