need another drink. this is the easiest way
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Randomize
