Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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