Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
