I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
