Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize