im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
