My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just threw up on my dentist
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
ttyl tear gas
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
