How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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