Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
