What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
