The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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