this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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