You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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