i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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