I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
