yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Randomize
