im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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