i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
