Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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