yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
