He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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