We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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