meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
