omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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