I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
