I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
