What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
