i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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