ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
