he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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