Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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