im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
