respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize