i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
