hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You ruined the universe
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
