Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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