when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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