Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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