Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
