My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
