he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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