she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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