good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
