escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
well you can't waste a boner
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
