you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
