he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
