Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
