My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
