are you so shy because you have an std?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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